


The Inevitable

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-29
Updated: 2005-06-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Assume season five never was and Justin's hollywood dream was cut much shorter. lol this was before season five spoilers were available to me, so this is a discussion they've never had, that we've seen, and I just feel they should have.  It's inevitable





	The Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“Brian?” Melanie asked more than a little shocked. He looked upset. Not angry upset just wiped out upset. Hurt upset. A lot like she’d looked lately. 

“You covered my sexual harassment case, annnnd I gave you my only son . . . I need a place to stay and it’s your turn to do something nice.” His attempt at rude just came out a light taunt between two friends. His voice was gravelly and his eyes were blood shot. 

Worry took over her first response which was ‘call first’ or ‘I’ve got a new born and a four year old here you can’t just barge in.’ 

She was trying to curb the habit all together, though, it wasn’t Brian’s fault she was gone. It wasn’t his fault a piece of her had always been missing, either. With Lindsay gone, and a lot of long nights up with Jenny to think Mel was beginning to realize that. Lindsay had an unhealthy thing for Brian. It wasn’t for men it was Brian that had her seeing white picket fences with a hubby. Had her seeing what her parents always wanted for her. A happy rich family with a man and a woman, and a pack of brats that look just like papa. It was preposterous because not only was she a dyke, but Brian was THE fag. He may have strung Michael along back when, but Lindsay was always just a friend. Hoping for more.

“Uh . . . you want to stay here? You know Linds is at her apartmen . . .”

“Yea I know. I won’t even expect food or conversation. I just need a bed. Even a couch.”

“Why not Michael or Deb? Wait . . . why can’t you stay at the loft where’s Jus . . .” Oh my god they fought . . . and Brian left.

“Because they won’t stop asking shit that’s none of their business. If I tell you he crossed the line you’ll mind your business. And as a lawyer you’ll accept my right of privacy and not tell him I’m here.”

She looked at him. He wasn’t angry. He looked just lost. Like she felt.

“C’min its cold out.” She said softly. “I have soup, and casseroles, well, everything on the Menu of Deb in the fridge . . .”

Jenny’s waking gurgles filled the room coming from her down stairs bassinet. Mel’s voice faded off as she went to pick up the tiny bundle. Brian hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks. She walked to Brian.

“Wanna hold her?”

He seemed to perk up a little. “Yea.” He said putting his arms out in baby holding posture. She tucked the little girl in Brian’s arms.

“Hey Becca.” Brian had instantly taken to Becca instead of JR like everyone else. Mel, to even her surprise, didn’t mind. It was obviously an affectionate nick name. Like Mikey or Sunshine or Sonny boy. “She’s big.”

“I know.” Melanie snorted. Brian looked up with a smirk. 

“So . . . how are you.” He asked as if it was a chore, but he was taking in her mood the way she stood. She looked better than last he’d seen her.

“I feel better.” She said. Obviously speaking of more than just after birth pain.

“Good.” He said back to Jenny. “Hey little girl. You look like mommy. She’s got Mikey’s eyes though.” Brian said not really even realizing he was talking.

She nodded straitening Jenny’s bib. “His nose too.”

Brian nodded. He smiled handing her back to Melanie. “Thanks.”

She nodded. “Gus is upstairs playing Bob the Builder. He’d be ecstatic to see daddy.”

Brian smiled. “I think I’ll go say hi.” He said quietly poking Jenny’s nose sweetly before heading upstairs. Melanie watched as he disappeared upstairs before being jolted by the phone. She looked to the phone before deciding to answer it.

“Hello?” She answered quietly.

“Mel?” She closed her eyes. He was a lot more obvious than Brian.

“Hi Justin, sweetie.” She said trying to sound upbeat.

A sniffle came through the phone and she bit her lip. “Mel have you seen Brian?” He sobbed, unable to keep back his panic.

She felt torn. Brian had trusted her. He was the father of her son, and truth be told he’d always done what he should as far as she went. Eventually. She loved Justin so much, though.

She closed her eyes. “No sweetie, I haven’t. What happened honey why are you so upset?”

“I said the worst thing I could have said.” He sobbed wiping his nose on his sleeve long forgotten his country club charm.

Mel’s heart sank as she heard what Justin had resorted to.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Ok twactor yowr dob is over dere.” Gus’ toy farmer said, apparently to a tractor.

“Ok Mizter Bob da Biwder!” Gus’ excited voice squealed so enthralled in his game.

Brian smiled spirits up slightly just watching his son play. He knocked on the frame of the door, and grinned when Gus squealed, “Daddy!” before doing a running leap into his father’s arms.

“Hi my little boy.” Brian whispered kissing his son’s forehead. “How is my boy?”

“Daddy I miss you! I wanna come to your house!”

Brian nodded. “Sure Sonny boy. We’ll ask your mommies about this weekend?” 

Gus looked at his father. “Where’s bubby?”

Brian’s heart constricted again. He smiled through it, and kissed his little boy’s hair again.

“He’s at the loft. How would you like it if I slept here tonight?”

Gus looked worried instead of happy. “Ha’come bubby is gonna stay at your house?”

Brian didn’t want to lie to his son. “Bubby and daddy need a little while apart.”

“Wike momma and mommy?” Gus looked on the edge of becoming hysterical.

Brian hadn’t meant to do that at all.

“Oh no, Gus, no no not at all. Not like mommy and momma. Daddy just needed to get out of the house because bubby is painting, and daddy makes too much noise. Remember when he sent us to Chuck E. Cheese?” So much for not lying. They’d make up after Brian had enough time to let his emotions settle. It was just too much shit said in the heat of the moment to take on tonight.

Gus did an emotional one eighty and laughed instead. “He said you got a big moufth.”

Brian smiled remembering the day. “Yup. So I’m gonna stay here.”

Gus smiled. “You still love bubby?”

Brian’s heart hurt for his son. Divorce upon everything else the kid had to go through was just not fair. He nodded. “I still love bubby. Promise.”

Gus beamed. “Daddy kin I sweep wif you tonight?”

“Uh . . . we’ll have to ask momma.”

“Sure you can sweetie.” Mel said from where she watched in the door way. Brian loved Justin. Period. The end. He said it. Now she was sure. Knowing the fight they just had it made her feel more awful for them than she did before.

“Yay!” He squeaked hugging his daddy more. Brian just hugged back. He missed his little boy. He saw him more since the cancer scare but he’d never have him as much as he’d like. All the time.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Gave up on breast feeding quick.” Brian said with a grin as he fed Jenny while he and Mel watched TV. She just grinned back.

“I guess I’m not that kind of mom.”

Brian shrugged. “Doesn’t mean you love her any less.” He said nonchalantly looking back to the baby. “You’re a pig.” He said affectionately.

“That’s half of why I’m not that kind of mom. She’s a moose.” Mel laughed.

Brian smiled down at the baby and stroked her cheek lightly.

Mel watched. He looked almost peaceful to the untrained eye, but hurt burned in his eyes.

“You know . . . he called when you first got here.”

Brian looked up. 

“He’s frantic.”

Brian’s jaw clenched a couple of times. “Well, what’d you tell him?”

“You weren’t here . . . he was sobbing . . .”

“I know how he is.” Brian interrupted. He wasn’t going home. He needed to heal up a little. He didn’t want Mel telling him how upset he was and making him want to go home.

“He told me what he said.”

Brian averted his eyes. 

“Brian he didn’t mean . . .”

“Yea he did. Part of him did. He wouldn’t have said it just out of spite if there wasn’t some truth in it. He wouldn’t have.”

Melanie bit her lip.

“Thank you. I know you didn’t want to lie to him.”

Mel nodded. She paused before talking again. “May I inquire how long you’ll be visiting?”

“Thought I’d stay the day, help with Sonny boy. Be a real daddy for the day.”

She wondered how much of his opinion on himself where Gus was concerned came from the shit she used to spew back when Gus was a baby.

“Well you’re welcome to stay here until you piss me off.” She said gaining a little of her old fire in her smile.

Brian just smiled half heartedly.

“You should at least let him know you’re ok. It’d make you feel better. I know it kills you to think of him panicking.”

Brian stood bouncing the baby lightly before depositing her in her mother’s lap. He looked at his watch.

“Awful late for Gus to still be up.”

She nodded accepting the change in conversation. “You know how he is. He doesn’t have daycare on his days with me. He slept in. He could be up until midnight.”

Brian shook his head. “Nah. Ten is late enough. I’m gonna crash too . . . promised him a story.”

The woman nodded. He didn’t want to talk. She could understand that. “Ok. There are more blankets in the closet.”

“Thanks.” He threw softly over his shoulder.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“You have seven messages: Brian, please answer your phone. End of Message. *click* Brian? Brian can you at least pick up, and tell me you’re alright? Just pick up. You don’t even have to talk . . . pick up. End of Message. Please call me back Brian. I’m a fucking shit, and what I said was awful . . . I know that. Where the fuck are you? It’s been . . . hours. Please call. End of Message. Brian I’m starting to really panic. Michael hasn’t seen you or Deb or Linds . . . I called Ted and Mel . . . just let me know you’re ok. End of Message. Brian, fucking, call me back! Pleas. . .” Brian cut off the phone hearing Justin’s voice go from upset to absolutely hysterical. He rubbed his eyes and fought the ball in his throat. He pressed a few buttons dialing Justin’s cell phone.

I’m ok. Don’t call.

He pressed send letting a trickle of hot tears fall from his eye. He was really hurting. Worse than he could remember in a long long time.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
*Beep Beep Beep* Justin jolted from his seat fretting and biting his nails, and grabbed his cell phone. Message received.

“Please be you.” He whispered clicking into his inbox. He read the message with a mix of immense relief and horrible heart ache. No clue where he was, knew he was crushed. He said he was ok. Justin had no choice but to trust him. The young man sat on the floor by the coffee table and closed his watering eyes.

“Brian, I am so sorry.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Earlier That Night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Brian had been late coming home from work knowing full well he was supposed to be with Justin for the night. Justin had been sitting on the couch looking pissy with a cold dinner sitting on the table when he finally showed up two hours late. He’d sighed and though he felt bad tried to make light of things with a comment about Justin not being a little wife. Justin had flipped over much lesser things than that. This situation was no different.

“I don’t want your stupid ass remarks, Brian.” Justin told, interrupting before Brian before he could continue with any explanation or remarks.

Brian nodded looking at the decked out table. He felt bad. He really did it was just . . .

“Do you even care what today is? I mean do you even fucking remember?”

“Of course I remember, Justin.” Brian bit his defense picking up and squashing his guilt momentarily.

“Then why the fuck didn’t you come home on time? You said you’d come home on time. I got here early. I wanted to just have a nice night. Just me and you, and talk.”

“That’s the thing. The ‘talk.’” 

“Oh right I forget . . . how lesbian of me.”

“It’s not . . . fuck you, Justin.”

“I don’t think so Brian you don’t get to be angry. I’m the one who gets to be angry.”

“Right because everything is about you.”

“No, actually, this is about you and how you can’t even come home for a simple supper on a day when you promised . . .”

“I didn’t promise.”

“You said you would, Brian, don’t be dense.”

“I was working, Justin. That thing I do to keep our home?”

“And throw it back to the money. How could I be mad when you’re out being the man of the house?”

Brian sighed he didn’t want this getting insane. “Can we just start the evening now instead of having a stupid fight?”

“No!” Justin snapped, and Brian knew he’d really hit a vein. He shouldn’t have come home late . . . but this was hard for him. Harder than Justin knew. “It’s been three years, Brian, today, since I got my fucking head cracked . . .”

“I know what the fuck happened Justin I was there I don’t need the play by play.”

“Then obviously it doesn’t mean that much to you then if you can just blow it, and this whole day, off.”

“Excuse me if I don’t want to celebrate the night you almost fucking died, Justin.”

“There it is. Well what about me? I wanted to do this. It fucking happened to me! It didn’t happen to you. I got my brains scrambled that night what the fuck’d you do, Brian? Nothing! You did nothing!” He spat his hands shaking violently.

Brian’s brief case dropped unceremoniously to the floor and he just stared. His chest was bleeding onto the floor ripped open heart torn out, and missing, forever it seemed, in some black hole somewhere. Justin couldn’t even recall just what he’d said, being so enraged, but he knew it was bad. It was something he never ever thought he’d say. It was terrible, and unthinking, and every awful thing he could think of wrapped into one.

“Fuck.” He breathed seeing what just one sentence had just done to the man he loved. Over what? Dinner and conversation? A conversation that Brian was obviously dreading so much that he came two hours late knowing there’d be a fight. Justin knew Brian physically ached just talking about it but had backed him into a corner anyways. 

Now there was just that one sentence that one accusation and all it held just hanging in the air between them Brian staring, openly wounded at Justin who waited with bated breath to see how awful this was going to be.

“Brian . . .”

“Uh . . . I’m going out.”

“Brian.” Justin’s voice came out weak and he realized he’d started to cry.

“Don’t. Okay?” Brian whispered turning and halting Justin from following. Justin bit his lip, and nodded with a shudder. He watched Brian changing into his jeans and his t-shirt. It was the fastest he’d ever seen the man get ready. Brian grabbed his cell phone tossing on his jacket. He didn’t even bother with his keys.

He walked to the door, and though he was dying to know, Justin knew he didn’t have the right to ask where he was going.

Brian pulled open the door, and just before he left he turned to Justin.

“You’re wrong, you know.” He whispered voice hoarse eyes watering. “It didn’t just happen to you.”

And then he left. Justin stared at the door for five minutes before dropping, gracelessly, to the floor too shocked with himself to even cry.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Then the baby bear said ‘Someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and she’s still in it! Hearing Baby Bear’s exclamation Goldilocks awoke, and leapt out of bed at the sight of three bears standing over her. She was so frightened she ran all the way home, and never returned, to those woods, again.’” Brian read as his little boy listened at his side.

“Daddy?”

“Hm?” Brian asked rubbing the little boy’s back.

“You din wead wif da voices.” The little boy told.

Brian chuckled. “Sorry Sonny Boy, Daddy has had a long day.”

“You dun have ta be sowwy, Daddy. I dus wike dat you weaded to me.”

Brian chuckled kissing the little boy. “I’m glad you like it, Gus.”

Brian stretched his long bare legs under the slightly scratchy comforter of Mel’s guest bed nodding slightly his mind drifting over the words he and Justin had thrown at each other.

“I fink you an bubby ad a fight.” Gus told a moment later pulling Brian from bitter thoughts.

Brian smiled a little. His kid was a genius. “How come?”

“Coz you sad, an bubby isn here, an you din pack jamas.” The boy explained as though it were obvious.

“You’re too smart for me Gus.”

“Wiw you fight foreber?” 

Brian kissed the little innocent child’s forehead. “No, Gus, bubby, and I will talk tomorrow, and we’ll be ok again. No one is going to move out, and we’re gonna have you over this weekend. Everything is going to be ok.” Somehow setting a plan for Gus made him feel better too.

Gus yawned snuggling closer to his father. “Ok daddy. I’m gwad.”

“I’m glad you’re glad.”

The little boy stretched up giving his dad a big wet kiss. “Ni nite daddy. Wub you.”

“Night, Gus, love you too.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Daddy?” Brian’s bleary eyes opened to see Gus about an inch from his face. He smiled, and was glad to notice his heart felt lighter. There was still an ache but he was reassured by his beautiful little boy, and a good night’s sleep that things would be alright in the long run.

“Hey Gus.”

“I sought you never wake up!” Gus sighed dramatically.

Brian rolled his eyes. “I think you’ve been taken princess lessons from Justin.”

Gus looked confused and Brian laughed kissing his little boy and tickling him.

“DADDY!” The boy squealed head thrown back laughing with no reservations. Brian stopped and just watched as his little boy laughed so completely taken from reality. Brian immediately decided this was how you knew if you were doing well as a parent. If your child can still laugh with their whole heart then you’re doing ok.

“Daddy? Why’d the tickle monster stop?”

Brian smiled and pulled the little boy in his lap. “Sorry Sonny Boy he got a little distracted.”

Gus looked at his dad head tilted to one side surveying his dad’s mood. Then the little boy took his two chubby hands and squished his father’s face.

“Top bein so seris!” Gus quoted his mother. Lindsay could be heard saying that often.

Brian look at his child for a moment then just laughed. “I love you Gus.” He chuckled kissing the little boy’s soft hair.

Gus just beamed. “I wub you too daddy!”

Brian glanced at the clock then rolled his eyes and looked at his son. “Six o clock, Gus?”

Gus smiled sheepishly. “I don have any more tired in me, Daddy.”

Brian grinned. “Well I guess we better get some food in us then.”

“Daddy kin you make me pancakes with chocolate chips in dem wike bubby does?”

Brian smiled. “I suppose I can if a certain little boy doesn’t sit on the counter and tell me I’m not doing it like bubby does.”

Gus grinned. “Pwomise.”

“Well then let’s get down there.” Brian laughed grabbing his jeans from the night before and pulling them on along with his T-shirt. He then grabbed the little boy sat in the middle of the large guest bed, and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Daddy!”

“Don’t worry Gus. Daddy wouldn’t drop you.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Mmm daddy dees are the goodest pancakes ever.” Gus enthused licking some of the chocolate splattered all over his face. Brian grinned. It was possible that he’d put way more chocolate chips in it than usually called for. Very possible.

“Best, Gus.”

“That too.” Gus agreed.

“No Gus I mean goodest . . . never mind sweetheart.” Brian chuckled. They were supposed to be helping Gus with his little speech impediment, but Brian found his little mess ups so endearing sometimes he just couldn’t correct him.

Gus accepted his father’s comment continuing with his pancakes. His little ears perking up when Jenny’s waking cry rang down the stairs.

“Denny is AWAKE!” He sang.

Brian nodded. “I think I’ll go get her.”

“Momma kin.” Gus said. He was torn between following his daddy and eating his pancakes.

“I’ll be right back.”

“I’w be here wif my pancakes.” Gus told seriously.

“Ok Gus.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Brian walked to the doorway to Mel and Lindsay, or just Mel’s as things were, room. He saw Mel buried in the bed dead asleep right through Jenny’s cries. He walked in quietly avoiding the creaking boards where he could. He looked down into Jenny’s crib to the beautiful little baby inside.

“Hey Becca.” He whispered softly reaching in. She gurgled and sniffled as Brian snuggled her into his shoulder. “Maybe we’ll let your mother sleep a little?”

Brian wandered from the bed room rocking the baby smiling sleepily up at him. “Hi sweet baby.” He smiled. “I see Mikey looking at me in you.” He told her stepping cautiously down the stairs. He walked into the kitchen smiling at his chocolate covered son. 

“Gus . . . stay right there. Jenny stinks and you know the drill.”

“Change da poopey!”

Brian laughed. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. “Hang on and I’m going to clean you up afterwards ok?”

Gus nodded watching his dad prepare to change Jenny.

“I neber seen you change Denny before.”

Brian scrunched his brows. “I don’t think I have.”

“Did you eber change a diaper?”

Brian turned to Gus and smirked. “You’ve only been potty trained a year and a half Gus what do you think?”

“You changeded my diaper??”

“A few.” Brian said then added thoughtfully looking to Gus. “Probably not as many as I should have.”

Gus looked a little confused. “How many is enough?”

Brian chuckled. “Never mind Gus. I changed your diapers.”

Gus nodded going back to his chocolate mess on his plate eating the few scraps left as his dad changed Jenny far enough away to keep the stink away.

Brian smiled at the baby picking her up off the small table, and taking her to the living room to place her in her bouncy seat. She squeaked lightly.

“Just a minute and I’ll get you a bottle. Promise.”

Brian walked into the kitchen and smiled at his son. “You eat like your bubby.”

Gus giggled. “No, Bubby is a growd up.”

“Sometimes.” Brian muttered grabbing a washcloth to wash his son.

“Is you still mad?” Gus asked sadly.

“I’m not mad at Justin, Gus, we just need some time cause we had a fight. It’ll be ok.”

Gus nodded and squirmed as his dad wiped his face, and hands. Brian chuckled as the boy squirmed away.

“Go entertain Jenny for a minute. I’m going to make her formula.”

Gus looked confused. “Daddy. You’re my daddy not Denny’s.”

Brian held back a grin. His son was jealous. “Gus. I wanted to let your momma sleep so I have to feed Jenny. Don’t you want your momma to get some rest?”

Gus sighed. “She’s sweepy.”

“You don’t want Jenny to go hungry do you?”

Gus shook his head all wide eyed. “No!”

“Ok well can you let me feed Jenny please?”

Gus nodded. “But . . . Daddy . . . I’m Sonny boy. Wike . . . your faverit right?”

“I love you more than any one in the whole world.”

“Sept bubby!”

Brian laughed. “You’re even.”

Gus beamed. “Ok . . . you kin feed Denny.”

Brian smiled all the way through Jenny’s feeding. His little boy adored him. Adored the ground he walked on. It was great.

Three hours, and many puzzles, toy cars, and cartoons later Brian was rocking Gus while he watched cartoons and Jenny while he went down for a morning nap. He heard Melanie coming down the stairs before he heard her bellow.

“Brian!?”

“Yes?” He asked brows creased trying to be quiet.

She appeared in front of him a ball of anger. How dare he take her daughter! He had no right to remove Jenny from her crib Melanie nearly died of a heart attack when she saw her missing. Then Gus. Of course then she remembered, Brian, but that didn’t change her fear. She softened, though, the moment she saw her two kids resting comfortably along the tall man’s frame as he rocked them gently.

“. . . Well,” She sighed rubbing her forehead. “I woke up to an empty crib, Brian.”

He pulled in his lips. Maybe He shouldn’t have done that. “Sorry . . . that was stupid. I just thought you could use the sleep. We were up anyway . . .”

Melanie was almost weirded out by the innocent eyes and culpable expression. He felt bad for doing something nice. She shook her head.

“No that’s fine. . . I mean that’s great. Thank you. I haven’t slept that long since she was born.”

“She’s pretty peaceful.” He remarked looking down at her. He offered her to Mel. 

Melanie walked over taking the baby letting Brian kiss her forehead smiling when Gus smiled at the kiss.

“Muah.” He said with a smile.

Melanie put her in her play pen and looked at the father and son pair lounging in the rocking chair. Gus smiled. 

“I wub my daddy, momma. I miss him.”

That made Melanie feel guilty. “Well sweet heart. Your mommies and daddies will fix that ok? SO you don’t have to miss daddy so much.”

“An bubby. Daddy an bubby gotted in a wittle fight, but it’s ok. Dere not going to move different places.”

Melanie looked stricken.

Brian sighed at his chatty son. “Mel. He’s going to be upset about it. You know that.”

She nodded and smiled strong for him. “Uhm . . . Brian. I think it’s time you go fix things.” She told taking charge. 

Brian sighed, and nodded. “Yea . . . probably.”

“No daddy stay. Bubby can come here.”

Brian chuckled, standing holding his son. He kissed the little boy softly. “I love you.”

Gus got teary. “Stay.”

“Gus honey daddy and bubby need to have some time at daddy’s house.”

Gus wiped his eyes. “I wanna stay wife daddy an bubby dies weaken.”

Melanie nodded. “We’ll talk to mommy. I bet that can be arranged.”

Gus looked to his daddy. “Tell bubby I wub him.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Brian took the stairs up to the top floor loft. He needed to work off a little nervous energy. When he reached the door he stood for a moment just staring a the gray metal door. Touching the battered surface of the door Brian raised his hand to knock. He should have brought his keys he didn’t want to knock on his own door. He lowered his hand, and tried the knob first. It clicked open. He smiled slightly before pulling the door open. 

Justin stopped dead in his tracks phone in hand talking to Michael. “I . . . I have to go.”

Justin hung up staring at his lover standing in the doorway. He bit his lip. Brian had a five o clock shadow and stood in his wrinkled outfit from the night before. He didn’t look tired, but his eyes were obviously blood shot. 

“Uh . . .” Justin rubbed his hair. “Hi.”

Brian scoffed and Justin blushed at his stupid greeting. “Hi.” Brian repeated.

Justin rubbed his nose. “You’re ok?”

Brian stepped inside shutting the door. “I’m fine.”

Justin nodded, and Brian saw his lover teetering on the edge. He sighed. “C’mere.”

Justin rushed to his lover gasping a sob as he wrapped his arms around Brian. “I . . . I can’t even say how . . . how horrible I feel. I was so terrified. I was so worried. Are you alright? Brian, I swear to god I just . . . I didn’t mean it like . . . I can’t even fucking tell you how horrible I feel.”

Brian hugged on to Justin feeling his throat tighten. “I know.” He hushed softly rubbing Justin’s back. “Calm down.”

“Are you alright?” Justin whispered pulling back just enough to see Brian’s face.

“I told you. I’m fine.” Brian said harshly. Justin pulled back nodding.

“Right . . . sorry.” 

Brian shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

Justin shook his head. “You have every right to be angry with me. If you don’t want to talk . . . or”

Brian sighed and held Justin’s shoulders. “Talking is just what I want to do.”

Justin paled slightly.

“Justin. Stop it.”

“What?” Justin asked weakly.

“You look like I’m going to kill you?”

“Or leave me. Or . . . hate me.” Justin whispered voice breaking.

“I couldn’t do either. C’mon we’re just going to talk.”

Justin wiped his eyes as Brian took his hand and guided him to the couch. They sat close and Brian smiled softly rubbing his thumb under Justin’s wet lashes.

“Brian I didn’t mean it. Not that that does anything because how could I say that? How could I say it and not . . .”

“Mean it.” Brian whispered the last part with a small nod.

“But I didn’t . . .” Justin sobbed.

Brian sighed. “A little bit . . . you did. You wouldn’t have said it Justin. You can’t convince me that in the heat of the moment you pondered the worst thing you could say. . .”

Justin let out a sob and Brian smiled a half smile cupping his cheek. “Sorry . . . it’s just . . . that’s just one of the scariest things you could say . . . is that you blame me . . . for what happened.”

“But I don’t, Brian, I don’t”

Brian pulled his lips into his mouth. He wanted to believe with all his heart that Justin didn’t blame him for the bashing.

Justin wiped his eyes and pulled even closer to Brian. “I can’t stop thinking about it on the anniversary. I think about it every day, but now its different it’s ‘Good for me I was bashed and look what I’ve done.’ But when the date comes up its like all I can think of and it suffocates me that exactly such and such years ago it happened, and I remember . . . that I don’t remember and all I think about is you and mom and I . . . we’ll never be the same. I hate that . . . you feel such guilt. I know you do Brian I see it whenever my hand cramps up your eyes go dark and guilt covers your features . . . and when you wouldn’t come home . . . I was feeling so off . . . I just didn’t consider you. I didn’t consider you at all it was just all me . . .” He sniffled. “I didn’t think of you at all.”

Brian rubbed his face. “I understand on that day . . . why would you?”

“Because you’re right.” Justin whispered looking at Brian. “It happened to you just as much as it happened to me, and . . . I hardly ever recognize that.”

“I’m fine.” Brian argued weakly.

Justin smiled and laughed around a sob. “I know you are. You always are.”

Brian sighed. He didn’t know what to say. 

Justin sighed and wiped his eyes. “I do blame you.”

Brian’s heart cracked like an egg.

“Wait.” Justin whispered shocked at the tears instantly appearing before Brian had a chance to look away. “I want you to understand something here and now. It’s been . . . three years and we’ve never said shit. It’s time I said this.”

Brian choked a laugh. “I’ve never been so unhappy to hear you talk.”

Justin’s lip quivered. “I blame you . . . in the same way I blame Emmett.”

Brian’s brow scrunched up. “What did Emmett do?”

Justin laughed lightly. “Nothing. Other than . . . get me ready. Or Debbie . . . I   
blame her more than you.”

Brian was beginning to get it. 

“She told me I should go when I said I didn’t want to. And Daphne . . . being my date . . . Lindsay and Melanie . . . my fucking mother so happy for me to go. The Limo driver who took me. You . . . dancing with me.”

Brian bit his lip Justin took his chin in his hand and guided Brian’s eyes to his. “Me for dancing with you.”  
“Justin it wasn’t your fucking fault that Asshole was a fucking psycho. He was willing to try and kill someone because they’re gay. Nothing you would have done was cause to make him do that.”

Justin smiled softly. “Nothing any one of us did that night was cause for what he did. You gave me the happiest five minutes I’d ever known up until that point. Some day . . . I’m going to remember it. I wouldn’t change what happened for anything just on the off chance that it ever comes back.”

Brian bowed his head. “I . . . If I could have just run faster . . . gotten there quicker.”

“You couldn’t have.” Justin whispered. 

“I’d take it back.”

Justin shook his head. “But I like who I am now. I like what I’ve become. I’m happy, Brian, to say you’d take that back you’d be taking back so many accomplishments happy and sad moments that I needed to have. Look at me, Brian. The only person at fault is Chris Hobbs.” 

“I’m always going to blame myself.”

Justin squeezed his shoulder. “I know. But I never will, and I will never fucking ever say what I did last night . . . again.”

Brian bussed his lover’s lips with his own their tears mingling. “You broke my heart.”

Justin’s face collapsed into pain as he pressed his face into Brian’s chest sobbing softly. “I know. I know I did, and I can’t do anything to change it.”

“I don’t expect you to try, Justin, its over.” He pulled Justin to look at him. “It’s over. I’m home. I’ll get over it. Let’s be with one another instead of sitting here blaming ourselves hating ourselves.”

Justin nodded pulling himself into his lover’s lap planting his lips firmly on Brian’s. They kissed softly, lovingly, gently for minutes without interruption. Justin pulled away first.

“Where’d you go? Was your night alright?”

Brian smiled brushing hair out of Justin’s eyes. “Better than yours.”

Justin blushed. “It was a long night.”

“I shouldn’t have left you.”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“A grown up who can talk things out.”

Justin shrugged. “So neither one of us did the right thing. I think I win who dun worse.”

“No more. It’s over.”

Justin looked at him expectantly. 

“I was at Mel’s.” Brian smiled at Justin’s raised brow. “Gus and I had a sleep over. I told her not to tell you. I wasn’t read . . .”

Justin nodded. “I understand.”

“He could tell. He wanted to know if we were getting a divorce.”

Justin looked so pained. “That poor baby.”

“He’s ok. I told him it was going to be ok, and we’d be fine.” He told looking to Justin pointedly.

Justin smiled wiping the last of his tears. He nodded.

“He wubs you.” Brian told smiling softly.

Justin chuckled. “I wub him too.”

Brian leaned back pulling his lover’s body on top flush with his stroking Justin’s hair. “Me too.”

“Next year I think we should go to Babylon.”

Brian chuckled lightly. “And dance a million dances you’ll remember.”

Justin closed his eyes his night of worry and hurt catching up with him. “That sounds perfect.” He hummed nuzzling into his lover’s chest.

Brian’s eyes slid closed as well as his fingers sifted through golden hair. “Mhmm . . . perfect.”


End file.
